Secondary Post:

Wow. So in the fifteen minutes between my last post and this one, I went outside my room. What I discovered there is a phenomenon that, today, has come to be known by the title of "crate day." This is where everybody in our dorm, myself and a few select others excluded, have opted to buy a crate of beer and consume it in one day. Unfortunately for them, or fortunately, depends on your point of view, they don't know how to pace themselves, which leads to this behaviour at noon:

. . . Wow.